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This kid in the toy store just sang “my penis is out”. I didn’t want to check.

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on Instagram: http://bit.ly/1JmYxN6

Will anyone believe me now that I’ll be stabbed in my sleep with a fork. #malachi #please help #redrum #da

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http://davearena.com/2015/06/26/150/

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Somebody put me in charge of 4th grade girls

I’m very uncomfortable with 4th grade girls touching me and I don’t know how to tell them to stop. They are leaning on me and trying to braid my arm hair. #phillytrip #chaperon

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on Instagram: http://bit.ly/1fr4uf3

Father’s Day tradition. My wife brings me up sausage and peppers from the street fair cause I hate fairs, crowds, heat and the outside. #da

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http://davearena.com/2015/06/21/141/

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Happy Father’s Day To Me!

First and foremost, Happy Father’s Day to me. My daughters are very lucky to have me as their Dad, they have without a doubt won the Dad lottery. I’ll call BS on some of these “Best Dad in the World” posts, you know deep down you’re average at best but your wife/significant other/baby mama can’t really post that on FB. To all the yupster Park Slope Dads, I hope you choke on your Kale kabobs at the BBQ. Finally, a Happy Fathers Day to my Dad who taught me that it’s ok for a grown ass man to cry at Lifetime movies and how to decorate the fuck out of a holiday table. #TurkeyYam #MyGayTablescapeGameIsStrong

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on Instagram: http://bit.ly/1MPJMjr

I don’t know how to fix a cut on the upper lip. This is good, I think. #da #MrMomLife

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http://davearena.com/2015/06/18/137/

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on Instagram: http://bit.ly/1QXTMs6

I said “light butter and wild blueberry preserves”. It was a tad bit more butter than I like but not bad enough where I’d throw the toast back at her. #da

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http://davearena.com/2015/06/14/134/

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Stopped at the ice cream truck after school. They both chose sno cones.

Ava: Eden, if you drop that sno cone it will be too bad for you.

(Ava gets hers and it immediately falls on the ground.)

Today’s life lesson: Karma’s a bitch!
Sorry,_Snow_Cone

#mrmomlife

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Homework is done!


on Instagram: http://bit.ly/1KRda8l

Eden (aka Bontz): where do sharks live?
Me: in the water Bontz.
#homework #MrMom #da

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Caitlyn Jenner

I can’t stay silent on Caitlyn Jenner any longer. Memes comparing her with @Mariska Hargitay? You’ve lost your damn mind internets.

Mariska

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